I'm awake and watching NPR Music videos. I glance quickly at the time--4:20 AM. The sun rises early around here, and I give the idea some thought.
Today I will rise with sun, then make her my bedmate for the rest of the day.
I gather my camera, extra batteries, and the five dollar Havaianas bought in the little grocer next door. With my keys and a dash of motivation, I'm out the door and through the heavy red gate that separates me from the outside world. In some lights, I appreciate this gate. My door is rarely locked while I sleep, and there are never uninvited guests to instill uneasiness as I do my day to day. The other half of me despises this gate. Just another wall that screams, "You're not welcome here. At least not without a key." Attaching the gate is a heavy brick wall with electric wire that buzzes rhythmically with electricity, singing its songs of solitude and repellance.
I open to the street and the stillness that comes with the minutes just before dawn.
East. That's the direction after all. I blame my elementary teachers for asking this question mentally too many times over the course of 22 years. Each time, I recall song lyrics, which have tritely pasted over the individuality of each sunrise.
I pass the Petrox station a block down and lock eyes with the fuel attendant. He stares at me like he's never seen a gringo walking alone at 4:30 in the morning. Okay, so he has reason.
Another block and I look ahead to end of the street, still darkness. I'm beginning to question the idea and wonder if I may have misread the time. Still, I continue walking. I'm conscious of my pace, a little too fast. I'm in no rush, so I steady my feet and attempt to absorb my surroundings.
Again. Here I am. Walking to arrive. My destination is the beach, and my 21st Century mindset has typed the word into my mental GPS. But my mind is not a GPS, and I don't want it to be. Such navigation shows only destinations and the means to arriving at them. I need to see more than the means. I need to notice what's absolutely irrelevant to my arrival. In fact, I flat out need to stop thinking that I'm arriving anywhere and let my destination become pleasantly surprised when I land mysteriously in its hands.
I hear the stock sounds of a rooster and a brotherhood of barking dogs, both reinforcing the hour. A little farther along, a man lies asleep in the empty flowerbed of what appears to be a condominium. He's wearing a bright blue cap that would fit in well inside a tourist shop along the beach. A fitting orange tank top covers his upper body. His head rests back on the granite edge of the flowerbed with his mouth gaped open as if he were screaming at the sky. Within five blocks I can hear the clash of the water and sand, fighting for position even in darkness. The water always retreating, but not defeated as it tries again and again.
The next street smells like sewage and a long dirt road extends to the south. To my left I hear something rustle the bushes in an empty lot. I scan the lot suspecting its a bird. A short tree top shakes, and I move my eyes downward to see a horse nibbling on its lowest branches. Above the horse is a billboard, a strange symbol in my mind. While the horse stands below signifying the ways of the past, the billboard rises up above him announcing the pervasiveness of consumerism.
| View of the Navy lighthouse across the street from the beach. |
Just beyond I look down the street and watch a rat scurry from under a streetlight and into some taller grass. The breeze is stronger now and sticky with salt. I gaze upward at a lighthouse of the Brasilian Navy just over the thick walls topped with electric wire.
Still not a hint of daylight.
Crossing the street there is no traffic, and I can only hear the waves now. I reach the sand and flip my sandals off to walk barefoot the rest of the way. Another rat. This one takes a moment to notice me and then makes his way into some grass under a palm tree. Thirty yards more and I make myself a seat in a bank of sand.
My camera won't be too kind with such low light, but I decide to try anyway and snap some photos of the lighthouse, struggling to keep my hands still since I've set the shutter speed high to collect more light. They turn out well, and I take a few videos of my surroundings to watch if they still exist when I'm 60.
The sun doesn't seem to want to rise. I swear it rose yesterday. And I think it did the day before. But then again, I didn't see it, so did it really happen? How do I know it didn't start in the middle of the sky yesterday? I can thank my ancient Greek friend, Plato, and his philosophy of Realism for giving me hope that it truly did rise each day before. To borrow an idea from my current read, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, even the dumbest and most incredible of men can be the messenger in telling you the sun rose yesterday, but that doesn't mean it didn't actually rise.
I snap some more photos and exchange the batteries for a new pair as they die.
| View of dawn over the sea side and Avenida Santos Dumont. |
I can see it a little now. The sky is slowly illuminating. I don't see any bright colors, just the sky becoming what looks like morning. I'll wait for the sun to appear and cast its brilliance on me.
Some cars and a city bus pass on the street behind me now. The world is awakening. They may be awakening with the sun, but I woke her up today. She's rubbing her eyes and trying to rise above the layer of clouds that meet the horizon.
I wait longer. Still nothing. It's beginning to look almost like midday. Why isn't she brilliant this morning?
Even longer. It's bright now and the oranges, reds, and dark yellows I'd hoped for don't seem to be with her this morning. She's awoken alone today but with the intent to share herself with the world. I think that in itself is her brilliance.
I gather my sandals and start toward home.
| View down the street that leads back to my house. To my back is the previous photo. If I walk 10 blocks down this street, I end up at my apartment. |
